JK

*Flashback

I was walking away from a group of girls calling for me. Hopelessly shouting "oppa" repeatedly for my attention. It was annoying. Every day they act like this.

I spotted my friends over by my best friends locker. Yugyeom smiled as soon as he spotted me. He waved me over to him.

It always made me happy when they waved me over or asked me to eat lunch with them. Typically I'm on my own. My friends don't call me over often. It's usually for girl troubles. I guess I don't mind it much. It gets them all off my case anyways.

"Hey Jungkook!" Yugyeom said.

I smiled at them as we all formed into a circle.

"Hey"

"Listen. Jia keeps talking about you. Could you steer her in my direction?" He got right to it.

My smile fell a bit. Usually they get straight to it, then they have to go to class earl or something. I get that, but it still hurts a bit. I always feel left out when it comes to friend activities.

"Jungkook, eunmi too. All she does is ask about you and i've had a crush on her since our 4th year" Mingyu admitted. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

Today they all seemed to have girls they wanted me to get them. It's like that every few weeks honestly. None of them could keep a girl for more than five days.

I get it though. I see them and sure, they're beautiful, but nothing strikes me as "oh i need her". I don't think anyone will ever strike me as that.

"Um i guess.- oh also, my birthday parties saturday. You all remembered right?" With these guys, I've found that I need to bug them when it comes to events. If I dont, they all forget.

"Oh right- i can't go. My mom said um no" Yugyeom shrugged.

I sighed. His mom says no to everything. She lets him out on dates all the time, but apparently she's super strict when it comes to sleepovers and stuff.

It sucks because since she hasn't met my parents, I can't spend the night at his house. He said she doesn't like not knowing who his friends parents are. I've also expressed that I don't really feel comfortable asking my parents for things like that.

"Mine too" Mingyu frowned.

"My dad said no"

"I have a fever"

The list went on. I understand though. I never seem to remind them early enough or something. Every event, every birthday, they're always unable to do anything with me. Always.

"Oh... that's ok guys. I'll um... i'll talk to those girls for you..."

—

"Happy birthday jungkook!" My mother drunkenly slushed her soju all over me.

She handed me a new electronic toothbrush. I'd gotten socks from my dad earlier. Their friends each gave me just about the same type of gifts. It's those gift every year though.

"T-thanks"

My parents aren't drunks. They're just light weights that don't know when to stop once they start. Every year on my birthday they have a giant party for me. Well, for them. They stopped inviting their friends kids over once I started middle school. They just simply invited their friends.

All of them got drunk and trashed the house. Played music too loudly. I'm sure it was fun for everyone else.

And as the party continued on, the music got louder. The guests got more chaotic. My parents were acting trashy. And I was stuck on the stairs, waiting patiently for them to serve cake.

Cake is the one thing I hope for each year. I've never had a single bite of a cake before. My parents say it's too expensive to buy when there's no special occasion. They say they're too old to buy cakes for their own birthdays. They say christmas isn't the right holiday for a cake. I've never been invited to another party in my life. And each of my own parties, when the only gift I'm excited for is served out, they've never saved me a slice.

I wasn't letting that happen this year. As soon as I heard my mom pop open another bottle of soju, I heard her yell "cake time" fight after.

I raced to the front. Shoving past all the adults without much of a care. And just as she cut a generous slice,  and set it on the table, I grabbed it. However, so did another hand.

It fell onto the floor. I timidly looked over to my mother to find her just about ready to explode over the cake.

"How rude, serve guests first"

I sighed then. Watching the woman who tried taking my cake smirk devilishly. My mom handed me the nee slice, and I was expected to hand it over to this woman. I did so, reluctantly.

And so I'd done the same with each slice I was handed. Letting each piece go. And once the slices stopped coming, I looked down to see the cake was gone. Looked up to see my mother eating the last slice.

I know it's only cake, but by then i felt nothing but hurt and anger.

"Better luck next year. Sorry hun" she held back a giggle as she stuffed her face.

I glared at her and dug my nails into my palms. Not paying attention to any of the pain. Glancing around to see everyone else laughing and having a good time. Seeing them all enjoy themselves and everyone else. Causally getting bumped into and then being scoffed at like I'm the problem.

I'm so sick and tired of being the problem or the one who just hands it all out and has nothing left for myself. I'm sick of my parents caring about themselves and not even sparing me a glance. I could take any girl home and fuck her senseless and they'd blink and walk off. I could be the leader of some drug cartel and they'd just say "no business here, Jungkook". Hell, i could die tomorrow and they'd just leave me be. I'll never be of any importance and I'll never even get simple things like a slice of cake.

And just as quickly as I'd had my breakdown, was just as quickly as I was broken out of my thoughts.

Everyone had gone silent. My mom was shrieking at me. They all looked at me like I was disgusting. And when I looked down at the floor, our 800 dolllar flat screen TV was shattered beneath my feet. My legs were bleeding. And I simply ignored it.

I snapped. I destroyed our tv and I ignored my moms screams. And when I ran upstairs and called Yugyeom, he ignored me too.

It's because in this life, I really am all alone. This one day was supposed to be about me. This was supposed to be all about me and people were supposed to finally care.

I finally cried. Letting the tears flow wherever they saw fit. I hissed as I pulled the little shards of glass out of my legs and feet. Wiping the blood with my bed sheet.

I might as well go buy myself cake then.

And without a care in the world, I took my homemade piggy bank (because my parents refused to buy me one) and tore it open. Thankfully, if I really feel like playing tough, I make Yugyeom and Mingyu pay for me to be their wingman. After all, i know I'm not really their friend. Sometimes I just forget that in the heat of the moment though- in hopes that maybe just once they'll call me over for something real.

—

At the convenience store, the woman mini cake treats. I sighed, since I've had them before. They're the closest I'll get to having a real one though.

And when I'd gone outside to the side, I paused. My eyes met Yugyeom an his friend group. All sitting at a bench with noodles.

"Hey Jungkook!" Mingyu waved.

I forced a smile back.

"Um- it was nice seeing you" he said, before turning back to the others.

The rest of them pretended as if I hadn't existed. And they didn't even offer me a seat next to them.

Instead, I sat at the bench beside theirs. Unwrapping my mini cake and stuffing it into my mouth. Chewing annoyedly as I watched them all joke around and laugh. I just sat there miserably.

So this is what it's like to go through life without anyone giving a damn about how you feel. To hear only empty I love you's, you're my best friend, and i've liked you for however long.

It's all bullshit.

-
Exciting things tomorrow- for me anyways