Jin.

Jungkook looked ready to combust. Time felt like it was in slow motion. In a matter of milliseconds, the knowing and pained look on the boy across from me's face, carved an image in my brain that would never leave me. I disappointed him. It wasn't my fault or anyone elses, but still, I'm the one that must leave, so I'm the one that's hurting him.

The sound of his chopsticks hitting the floor broke our staring contest. He let his eyes drop first. I only sat up straight and cleared my throat. Jimin reached down to pick up his utensil, and set it on the table.

Jungkook didn't acknowledge the gesture though. You could see it on his face. In his eyes, there was emptiness. He felt completely alone despite being surrounded by people who have all their eyes on him.

"I don't feel like eating anymore" he said without looking at any of us, only blankly looking forward. He scooted out and stood up.

For a moment, we all were silent. Jungkook calmly made his way to the me stairs. Yoongi shot me an unreadable look before continuing to eat. Jimin bit his lip and quickly turned to glance at Jungkook. Taehyung and Counselor-nim both were frozen by the tension.

Jimin quietly began to scoot out. Standing up and hesitating to move forward. Flinching when the Jungkook's door could be heard slamming shut. It was clear he'd made his decision to go up once he began towards the stairs though.

"Jimin" I called. I wanted to seem calm, but I felt lost. I had no clue whether to let him go, if we should give him a few minutes to himself, or to go up myself and comfort him since I was the one who brought it up.

Jimin stopped and tilted his head curiously.

Jimin's sweet, very comforting and easily brings warmth to someone who could use some, but this is on me. It is my issue, and only I can put him at ease since I'm the one leaving. Jimin will keep him cozy once I'm gone.

"I think it's best that we leave him be and just eat our meal. While Taehyung is talking to you and Yoongi, I'll go up and chat with him. Right now though, I think some space will be good for him" I said.

His jaw clenched, but unclenched not even a millisecond later. He let his jealousy go, and nodded his head.

We all ate our meals in silence, Jimin covered Jungkook's food and put it in the fridge, and and Taehyung sat on the couch with Yoongi, ready to break the news to them.

I sighed in both discomfort and sorrow as I made my way up the stairs. In just a short while, I'll be leaving him. He really is like my son.

I knocked on his door.

"I don't want to talk" he said back.

He must have been right beside the door frame. His voice was close.

"Jungkook, come on, we need to talk about this" I sighed "You knew it would happen eventually"

"I just want don't want to talk right now"

"I let you have your space, don't completely isolate yourself. Let me talk with you" I spoke in a soothing tone.

Moments passed and he didn't respond. I frowned and furrowed my brows.

And just as I opened my mouth to ask again, the door opened. Jungkook not wasting a second to wrap his arms around me and hold me tight. His body was shaky and his breaths were irregular.

"Please just stay" he whispered sadly.

It was one of those unsteady whispers. The ones where if you were to talk any louder, your voice would crack and you'd begin to sob. It was a distant and self-protective whisper. One where Jungkook was slowly building up his walls so he could pull away and pretend to be ok. I know better than that though.

"you know I have to go." I smiled sadly to myself.

I rubbed circles into his back. I felt him ball up his fists around a bit of my shirt. He let out a loud and shaky sigh.

This kid- Jungkook-ah, he's just too precious. I wish to be born his real hyung or father in his next life so he can receive proper care. I also hope counselor-nim takes good care of him and helps him develop further. He understands well once he's told, its just a matter of falling back into old habits that's his problem. I want to see him healed and ready to trust and express himself when I see him next.

"I know, but I don't want you to" he said, only slightly louder than before.

He finally pulled away- slowly. I kept the sad smile on my face. We made proper eye contact for about 3 seconds before he looked up at the ceiling.

"what are you doing?" I questioned.

He didn't look at me. He didn't reply right away. I glanced at the ceiling to see what could be so distracting, but was met with nothing but an off-white ceiling.

"I don't know, I just really like the ceiling I guess—" he finally said, voice strained.

He was holding back from choking up. Now I understand. Like a kid, he's looking up to hide his tears. To keep them in his eyes.

"Jungkook~" I laughed a little, not in a judgmental way. I found it so cute and sad of him, I couldn't help but to feel bubbly and pained at the same time.

I reached out my arm to grab his upper arm. I shook it lightly to try and get his attention. He didn't budge. He just took a deep breath and stayed the same.

"Jungkook, really, lets talk about this. Look at me, please" I spoke softly.

He let out a sad drawn out sigh. Sniffing once before locking eyes with me. As soon as he let his head fall to level, his welled up tears began to stream down his face. His cheeks were flushed as he instantly covered his eyes and shook his head.

"who's supposed to always be on my side now?" He sobbed out.

My heart yanked me towards him. I rubbed his arm to comfort him. Seeing him like this made my eyes gloss over.

"Aw- even if I'm gone, I'll still always side with you. I have your back ok?"

He nodded his head. Still covering his eyes. Lips quivering so slightly you might just miss it.

"I-I.." his shaky voice trailed off.

He turned his back to me suddenly. Letting his arms drop to his sides. He dragged one foot ahead of the other to bring himself to his bed. Sitting down with his back slouched and his head down. The palms of his hands were on his thighs. He rubbed them up and down to calm his nerves. Slowly his hands came to a stop. Then he clenched them. Not as tightly as he usually would, but tight enough to turn his knuckles white.

"I just r-really don't want to feel alone again..." he admitted.

Slowly he raised his head to make eye contact. His lids were puffy and his eyes were pink. His bottom lashes were pasted down to his under eyelid. He looked back down quickly, but it's too late. I saw him eye to eye.

There was something in his eyes that made me actually wish I didn't have to leave this hell.

Before realizing it, I found myself heading over to him. Sitting beside him and wrapping my arm around his shoulder. He leaned in and rested his head on my shoulder.

"you're not alone. You have me and Jimin, you have Taehyung too. And you know what? I asked counselor-nim to add me to your contact list. He agreed to let you call me whenever you need to. Even if it's every single night. Just don't call crazy late, ok?" I assured him.

He nodded his head against me. I watched his palms unclench. He let his fingers curl natural, but not against his palms. There were nail marks, but he didn't break any skin. Not this time.

Time passed and I still held him close to me. It was nice. The silence that is. Comfortable and nurturing. It felt right to hold him in a non romantic way.

"Thank you..." Jungkook whispered.

A smiled crept onto my face.

"For what?" I questioned.

Jungkook sat up. I let my arm drop to the bed and he turned more towards me.

"Everything" he shot a small smile my way. "I-I know I'm an asshole, but thank you for being by my side anyways and f-for letting me cry" He said.

My smile widened. I nodded my head to accept the thank you. He only sighed and looked down though. The room still was filled with a depressing aura.

I ran my fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply and exhaled just the same. He clearly had something else add, but was debating on even saying it.

"Um-" he broke the silence. "Well, you know, my mom never gave me anything when i was little. The only time my dad noticed me was when my mom made me cry- made me angry. He looked at me and point his finger at me and said Jungkook! How fucking dare you cry and call yourself a man, a jeon! You're a fag at most-" He let out a hollow laugh.

"Jokes on him though, I really am." He finished.

My whole body stiffened.

I remember one night Jungkook had really began to open up to me. I heard him whaling. The cries were so close by. I got up to check on him and found him inside his bedroom's closet.

He was a sobbing mess with bloody palms and his hair stuck to his face. He'd been on his knees curled forward. Crying so hard that spit was spilling from his mouth and his nose was all runny. It was hopeless crying- the kind where you can't stop for even a second, not to blow your nose or swallow your spit, not to sniff or wipe your eyes. You're just stuck.

That night I'd felt at such a loss on how to hold or care for him. He wouldn't let me hold him. He definitely wasn't crying over only Jimin. He was crying because finally he just felt like he could.

After getting him to calm down then, he asked me to hold him. I cleaned him up, wiped his tears away and bandaged his palms. I combed my fingers through his hair and he grasped onto a tissue box incase he might cry again.

He told me that night that ever since he could remember, all his early childhood, his parents forced him in his closet when he'd cry. They didn't want to hear it. They didn't want to see him. He wasn't allowed out until he could stop. He said it was his first memory even.

I bit my lip and shook the memory of that night out of my head. I hate the image of an actual baby being laid in a closet to cry to themselves- then seeing that baby slowly get bigger and bigger without truly getting all too much older in some aspects. I hate that image with all my heart.

"I'm sorry you ever had to meet and grow up with people like them." I spat.

I sounded much more angry than I wanted to come across. He even looked at me again with a pout on his lips, but eyes wide. I took deep breathes to level myself out. His face relaxed too. He shook his head and looked straight forward, eyes landing on his bedrooms closet.

"It's bullshit. All of it." He spoke out. There was no real emotion in his voice when he said it.

I nodded in agreement.

Yet I know he can grow to be an incredible person because of it. He's already improved so much in just a month. He'll get better an better, especially with the right kind of people in his life. Then in the end, Jeon Jungkook will be fine. He'll be loved and he'll be happy.

"Life's full of bullshit, sometimes you just gotta clean it up though. Yeah it stinks, but once you get rid of it, it'll be a breath of a fresh air." I responded.

"That's the nastiest simile I've ever heard. The fuck?" He said. A small smile made its way on his face without him even noticing.

I shrugged and chuckled a bit.

"Good, I like being number one- and don't cuss in front of me you brat! I warned.

He shook his head in response. Smile only growing.

"Maybe I'm glad you're leaving then" he said jokingly.

Despite it being a joke, my eyes still widened. I gasped loudly before smacking his arm lightly.

"How dare you!" I shouted.

Then finally, all the tension in the room vanished. Jungkook laughed. I laughed too. Nothing either of us said was all that funny, but it felt so nice to really laugh after a conversation like the one we had.

Our heads both turned to the door when we heard a knock. Neither of our smiles fell yet. Especially not when Jimin came right in. Taehyung following behind him with a tray that had four cups of hot chocolate on it.

"Double date night?" Taehyung asked.

The boys made their way over to Jungkook and I. Taehyung and Jimin sitting on the bed opposite from us. Taehyung laid the platter with our four cups on his lap. I reached forward and grabbed two. Handing one over to Jungkook.

"Just to be absolutely clear, Jungkook's my date" Jimin stated.

All eyes landed on him. The three of us had our brows quirked. Jungkook's followed along with a goofy smile.

So we all spent the night laughing and crying. Seeing how Jungkook scrunched up his nose when he laughed and him add on to any conversation showed he didn't feel alone even in the slightest. He shouldn't feel alone. To him, I'm like family, Taehyung was like a real friend, and Jimin loves him as much as he loves Jimin. Thats all he could've asked for.

-

Long chapter.

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

Anyways this- Sunyoul from UP10TION- done love him and his voice.