Mr. Xiao and Xiaojun drove home with thai food in uncomfortable silence.

"Thanks for coming with me to pick up the food."

"Mhmm."

"If I get one more ticket for double parking outside Wakdongmoonlek Noodle, we can't afford to send you to college."

Xiaojun forced a smile.

It was clearly still awkward between these two.

Mr. Xiao pressed on.

"Excited for the show tomorrow night?"

"Uh huh."

"Mom and Yuna and I are really looking forward to it. You gonna go to the carnival after?"

"Yup."

"I've always loved the winter carnival. One of my favorite traditions." Xiaojun nodded.

Another awkward silence.

"So, that Holland guy is pretty cool, huh?" Xiaojun stared.at his dad, worried about where this was going...

"Uh huh."

"I've actually been really into his tunes lately."

Mr. Xiao hit the stereo and Holland's Neverland began to play.

Mr. Xiao awkwardly bobbed along with it.

"Dad, did you tee up a gay singer just to talk to me about being gay?" Mr. Xiao sighed, frustrated with himself.

He turned off the music.

Mr. Xiao noticed his hand is trembling a little.

"I'm sorry, Jun. For all the gay jokes."

"It's fine."

"No. It is not." He said firmly.

Mr. Xiao sounded so angry and ashamed with himself.

Xiaojun realized how much he had been beating himself up.

"I'm just going to put this out there, in case the message got lost somewhere. I love you. A lot... And I'm really proud of you."

"Why?"

"For coming out on your terms. You really took control of your destiny." Xiaojun stared out the window.

He couldn't possibly feel in less control of his destiny.

Mr. Xiao cleared his throat.

"So, are there any special guys-" Xiaojun turned Holland back on.

Mr. Xiao got the message.

......

Xiaojun lied in bed, wide awake.

He clicked on the light, going to his desk and navigated to the SMsecrets Tumblr.

He grabbed an Eggnog Oreo from a nearby pack then clicked on new post and began to type.

"Dear Students of SM High School,as anyone with a half- decent data plan already knows, a recent post on this very website declared that I was gay. The delivery left something to desired, but the message is true. I am Gay. For a long time, I was bending over backwards to hide that fact. I had all these reasons. It was unfair that only gay people had to come out. I was sick of change. But the truth is, I was terrified. Announcing who you are to the world is terrifying. Because ... what if the world doesn't like you? So, I did whatever I could to keep my secret. I hurt people. I hurt the best, most important people. I want them to know that I'm sorry. I'm sorrier than I've ever been about anything in my life. And I want everyone to know that from this point forward, I am done being terrified. I'm done living in a world where I don't get to be who I am. And I'm done living in a world where I don't get to have a great
love story. Disclaimer: this is about to get romantic as eff, so anyone averse to gratuitous feelings, kindly click over to a Buzzfeed quiz or resume the porn you paused to read this. This guy that I love once wrote that he felt like he was stuck on a ferris wheel. On top of the world one minute, at rock bottom the next. That's how I feel now. I couldn't ask for better friends. A more understanding family. But none of it means anything if I can't share it with him. So, guy I love, after the play tonight, at 10:00, you know where I'll be. There's no pressure for you to show up. Just because I can't wait a second longer to grand gesture the crap out of you doesn't mean you have to be ready for all that.But I hope you are. Because you deserve a great love story too. And I sure would like to meet you. Sincerely, Xiao Dejun."

Xiaojun finished writing his post.

Xiaojun posted the same stock image of the ferris wheel from King of Hearts's original SMsecrets post and hit send.

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(a/n: wattpad deleted this chapter and I had to rewrite this entire chap again ugh, anyways last chapter tomorrow 👍)