[28.11.2016]

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A lot can happen in middle of nowhere

Lee Taeyong had always been a good guy. He cared deeply for his family and loved his friends dearly. He was handsome, as many praised, gifted with a face that could light up an entire room, a kind of face that wouldn't be forgotten so easily.

Lee Taeyong lived a rather simple life, out of which he couldn't fathom the opportunities to make things better or worse, nor did he want to. His ordinary life never matched his face; people had said that anyone with that kind of face shouldn't have had a life like his. But Lee Taeyong never wanted anything more than what he already had. He sort of liked his life as how it was at the moment. He thought every one of its moments was precious and meaningful. One of those must have been when he spent looking at a piece of paper on the wall of his room. He did it almost every day, always right before going to work.

There were some wise words from Albert Camus. "After awhile you could get used to anything."

He wasn't sure if he'd understood this idea fully in the way Camus might have wanted him to. Getting used to anything after a while had to be a very good thing, he guessed. The last week's quote was a line from Swami Sivananda "Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret of success". Clear and understandable, one of his favorites.

Like every other day, he read the words and thought hard. It wasn't awhile, it'd been five years already and this year he would turn to be a young single, employed twenty-seven year-old man soon. At twenty seven, things seemed to be pretty much settled down for him. Twenty seven years of a simple life that he held dear, five years of a job he already got used to. So after all, his life was not only simple but also perfect and he dared anyone to cast a doubt on it.

Taeyong lived in a small Scandinavian valley town and worked for an Asian company here. An office of a Korean corporation to be exact, the only one in the whole Scandinavia peninsula. He never knew why they chose this very small, isolated town out of the entire Europe, in also an isolated valley, surrounded by sheer mountains with a population of hardly five hundreds people, to open a representative office on top of all. It didn't sound like a very effective business plan. The office was opened five years ago, right after his college graduation, he remembered. Taeyong indeed had been studying in a university, located in a medium-sized city which was only few hundreds kilometers away from here. He never had that presentiment of doing well in a city that stuffed with too many people and a lot of things to deal with at once. To graduate successfully was quite a feat for him. So he came back to where he'd come from. Then the god of luck smiled upon him. This newly opened office happened to give him an offer for a decent position which seemed worthy of a college graduate.

Koreans living in the town were all company's employees who'd come from the other side of Earth. The side, like any other side, Taeyong knew nothing of. Some of them would leave from time to time and some would arrive once or twice every two years. But not Taeyong, he was from the valley. He had always been in the town apart from the four years spent in college. In his parents' younger days, during their trip around Europe together, they discovered this town by accident. Both his parents came from Korea, after such great finding they quickly settled, built a family in this "very lovely and tranquil" haven. And before they knew it, there weren't a thing that could make them leave anymore. Taeyong was born in the valley and raised in the valley.

The office accommodated enough space for about ten staffers. It wasn't like the ten workers necessarily needed to be presented in the office all the time: sales girls went out once in a while and freight boys absent for longer trips. The fields were diverse and they agreed to call themselves under the Trade and Media category. Taeyong covered few sessions of company's monthly magazine and its website's updates. He could write anything about Scandinavia from its way of life, culture, and politics. Even something simple as daily-life stories around this town also counted. On the end of his articles, recommending some healthy "made in Korea" products was always a must thing to do. Daily update but not much of a job anyway. But he had a talent in writing, especially about this particular small, isolated valley. Still Taeyong treated his ennui like it always came fresh and stay for only one day. He called it a "gamble" – might the next day wouldn't be as boring as the day before.

Taeyong never liked to call the place "town". "Valley" sounded way more melodic, dreamier and people here also preferred the latter. "Can I get a ride to the valley?", "I'm from the valley", just that and everyone knew where you were talking about. And so he had this small corner name "Valley Town" on the company's website which featured all sorts of valley things: from just a random photo with the aerial view of the town he took on the nearest mountain to the transcript of an argument between two old women about when the next snow storm would hit. It came from a very personal perspective, filled with details and realness. And surprisingly, people liked it. The corner was the star of the whole site and even had a fair amount of regular readers. No one asked why the boss granted him full authority to write anything he wanted.

Sometimes Taeyong introduced a random emotional ancient word from his dictionary. He, after all, had been a linguistic university student for the full course. Now he was making money by doing what he'd learned. That thought made he feel better.

He had one for today.

.hiraeth

(n.) a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past.

That was Welsh. He noted simply at the end. He waited about half an hour to see how many likes he would get, or if he was lucky today, a few comments this early. Then he would turn to work on something else, like a full-length article on Scandinavian design trends assigned for him from last week. All that bright, simple and elegant styles. Taeil, his content manager had sent him real photos and footages days ago. Today his job was to review about more than one hundred items in Taeil's USB and he just knew that he was going to love it.

Taeyong didn't live with his parents for about three years already. They had moved up to a small Scandinavian styled cottage on the mountain, deep in a lonely, dense coniferous forest. Their new house was indeed beautiful, too beautiful. They had a lake nearby, pine trees surrounded, thick snow in winter and all the more. Taeyong might visit them on weekends one or two or three times a year, or he might not.

Rarely did he check the calendar after reaching home, neither before he left. The job never required him to know exactly which day it was, saved for when Taeil ran big projects from time to time then he had to mark the deadline. Today was unusual. The latest project just finished therefore no reason to know the date but he checked nevertheless. It was already mid-autumn. His parents and some old folks up on that mountain would be enjoying the weather and scenery there so much. To old people, there was no need to check the day, too.

The dinner that night had nothing so special. He got some frugal Ärtsoppa which he tried hard to not think about what it was going to taste like. And no, today wasn't Thursday. On beautiful days he might have thought of cooking something delicious with meat and vegetables instead of sipping packed pea soup brought at that scanty grocery store down the main road. It wasn't because of the idleness he had toward shopping; just that there weren't enough beautiful days in this north temperate-zoned town. Autumn in a valley could be gloomy and cold, even summer wouldn't be much better. Therefore quick dinners were always preferable. He contemplated, sometimes during the stretch of the night, merely drew an absurd conclusion. That it was very likely that the stagnancy of this very place played the main role in making his life like this. But he didn't know how to define "this".

He knew what he was going to do next, as always. A small box he placed under his bed was waiting for him. For some unknown reason it had to be kept out of sight. But on some nights he would sit on his bed, hold it in his hands, open the lid and read everything inside. Then as dawn approaching, the papers slipped off, he dozed the night away.

Taeil had always been one of the kindest men alive, Taeyong supposed. He never gave him hard times, considerately knew how to be honest with his advices and opinions, especially ones that related to work. Taeyong felt grateful toward his superior for making everything this easy. And above everything else, Taeil had proven he was his best friend and colleague, the only one in the office he could actually talk to.

His supervisor was only a year older so any kind of distance didn't really get in between them. Taeyong remembered the warmth in his chest when he laid his eyes on the man the first day he came into office, in replacement of the previous content manager. Taeil had this charming awkwardness that made others want to protect him but once he started to work, no one could be more serious. Now his fourth year living in this valley was already here. Things seemed to be fine. In the first year Taeyong helped Taeil a lot in settling life and improving his English. In return, Taeil taught him a bit Korean. The older had seemed to be very surprised when Taeyong introduced that he was actually a Korean by blood because "you don't look like one, you don't look like me, like at all!" Taeyong laughed out loud at such exclamation and told him about the story of his parents then gained another gasp from his fellow countryman. Taeil couldn't believe Taeyong had been living all his life here, in this valley. He couldn't find anything wrong with that but it just seemed odd.

They got along very well, at least up to now. The best part must have been the time Taeil passionately told Taeyong everything about his home country and explained how beautiful Seoul the capital could be, just...everything. It was good, felt good, he felt good about Taeil's endless stories, Taeyong deemed. Yet regardless his kind efforts, Korea remained a mere picture of another peninsula in Taeyong's head.

Taeil came to know Taeyong's stories, where he spent his college life, what his days in the valley were like, about his parents right now not living with him even though they were still hanging around here. Taeyong watched Taeil coped with a new routine, the change of weather, timezone difference, language barrier, struggles with house host, etc. However Taeil went through everything pretty well, already settled down in his first year. During his second year, his salary raised and more importantly he successfully convinced his mother to leave Seoul and come all the way to this oddly isolated place, of course only after he had enough money to rent a bigger apartment - the one on the opposite side to the cross-road, right next to an abandoned mansion. It had to feel good to live with someone you love but it was not the case for Taeil's mother. Life here appeared to be too foreign, too slow with too few people and too much space. After five months, his mother flew back to her cozy Seoul after crying and yelling her lungs out at her adult son for about two hours straight. Taeil still said it was fine, forcing someone was never the way; he just worried who would take care of her because back home, she had no one else. Taeyong thought hard before said that she was lonelier here, in this valley, not there. To that Taeil smiled.

During the lunch time, Taeil often sat with Taeyong out on the porch, a small square outside the office, together chewing food in silence. Then if Taeyong felt the need to communicate, he would start the talk about what a good woman Taeil's mother was and would always be, and she would be just fine. At some point during their comfort sort of talk, the older tried to kindle in Taeyong the enthusiasm for a visit to his parents, said he'd be more than glad to be introduced to them, of course on a free, beautiful autumn afternoon on any weekend. Taeyong always stayed silent at that idea, he gave no promise.

On one beautiful summer day about a year ago, Taeil had once again sat beside Taeyong. "Life is still good, you think?" Taeyong had given a yes. Life had been good still, exceptional good even, in this safe and serene valley where no disaster could possibly be imagined. It'd been good, like Taeil's English had improved to another level at the moment, and Taeyong could get salary raise soon, might be when the office welcomed two newcomers by the end of the year. What strange youngsters those people were. Those who wanted to come here and work! Daily life had been remaining the same as always, work – home – work, going round and round that circle for years now and more to come. Nothing would be better than this.

"But there is something I can't put my finger on." Taeil had suddenly blurted.

"What is?" Taeyong had been slightly taken aback at the new direction of their conversation. Speaking vaguely had never been a thing Taeil would do.

"I don't know." The content manager had shrugged.

"Then figure it out." Taeyong had frowned yet let it go.

At the very least they could leisurely be under the impression that life had been so good for over a year. Just when autumn started to fade, the newly appointed representative showed up, seemed to be unsatisfied with everything. Kim Dongyoung was tall, handsome and very successful in life. No one knew why he was moved to this poor, shabby valley (he wouldn't say) when with the capacity of his, he could easily stay at home, in Korea, at his big desk of Sales Department, and still hit big.

Kim Dongyoung was indeed given "salesman of the year" award year consecutively for nearly a decade which was just another evidence of his greatness. Now here he was and Taeil suddenly became the new boss's favorite victim along with all of the Sales and Marketing room. Taeyong was luckily ignored just because the boss had yet to get a hold on what his job actually could be. They all get kicked out to the street to promote the company's brands and products. A trip to the big city, just few hundreds kilometers from the valley, was booked right after the boss realized this town was too small to sell anything and let alone making big profit. All of them hit the road for that short journey then returned with no good result. Now Taeyong got to be blamed. The content was claimed to be not solid enough, no point whatsoever, no visible call-to-action, nothing more than a "bunch of garbage". The boss even made fun of the ancient words on the blog, called them some "stupid over-sentimental tumblr-ish teenage shit". Everyone was pissed by that because how could someone hate such cute words? The girls of the Sales and Marketing desk were huge fans, they even printed them out to decorate their corner (now all were removed under new demand). Taeil and freight boys used to talk about each word for days. To them these small things were quite important because, really, what else was there to entertain them in this out-of-nowhere town besides their own web blog and Taeyong's mysterious and interesting articles. Still, in the end, no one dared to say a thing about it. Taeyong apologized and promised to come up with more effective content in upcoming days.

That day Taeyong came home in a very bad mood. As soon as he entered his room, he lunged at the bed direction, frantically knelt down and reached for the box he kept there. He pried it open and took out a pile of neatly folded papers.

He sat and read all night.

"Dear Taeyong,

Everyone here is strange, in a good way, of course. They spend most of their time to meditate, walk and pray. And in everything they do they put all of their heart into it no matter how small it is. I admire that, really, I also admire that they give enough time and space people need. No one rushes anyone. No one pushes anyone. No one expects anything from anyone.

Everybody waits for the right time to come as if they knew for certain that it will. I think it's a kind of kindness we never knew of but we do deserve.

Can you believe I'm going to see the divine Everest and Annapurna with my own eyes? Just few days more. I can't either. But dreams do come true. I will write more and send more pictures to you when I complete the circuits. You will be amazed. You will be moved, I believe.

Dearest,

J."

This letter was from a long time ago but he still felt that he just had received it yesterday. That this far-off, exotic and too-poorly-described place must have been the place Taeyong dreamt of the very last night. It must have been. The place in this letter, for whatever it would be, sounded so much like a heaven, created from a childhood dream Taeyong once forgot....

Taeyong took out the newer ones to read some more and spent the rest of the night staring at the pictures of mountains covered in white clouds, of green thick forest under morning gleams. He felt miserable.

J was Jaehyun – used to be an eight years old boy who first had come to this town when Taeyong at that time, ten. He'd left when at twenty.

Taeyong decided to continue his daily routine. He prepared a word for a new working day although he'd been told to write an article about "how to use fruits effectively to improve your skin health", promoting the company's newest lotion product.

So it was a Scottish word.

.caim

(.n) (lit.) "sanctuary", an invisible circle of protection, drawn around the body with the hand, that reminds you that you are safe and loved, even in darkest times.

Then he waited for it.

Around mid-day, when the outside was getting brighter compared to how gloomy the morning had been, Dongyoung furiously stormed into his room after getting back from a business trip to some stores in the big city, face red, eyes widened and lips trembled with fume.

In few seconds, Taeyong was thinking about what a disaster would possibly look like in this town. Dongyoung must have been it; Dongyoung was destined to be it – the disaster no one imagined to come one day.

"Are you fucking with me?" His words were stretched one by one, emphasized and sharp as knives yet unexpectedly carrying a sense of calmness as if he'd been already used to something like this – the kick-off he had been waiting for.

Taeyong gawked at his narrow pair of eyes for a second longer then shook his head.

"No, sir. I'm going to write that article right now as planned. What is wrong?" Dongyoung's eyes widened even more at the unexpected question.

"You asking me? I told you to stop posting those bullshits to focus more on the products. Which exact part you didn't understand? I bet you are picking a fight with me right now!" This was when Taeil came in and saved the day as he had always been doing.

Taeyong sat still until all the noises in his room gone. Taeil had told the boss that he himself gave Taeyong permission to post whatever he liked on that "Valley Town" corner so that it was in fact his fault. That he "will talk with 'his guy' to adjust to the new requests". Dongyoung cried at Taeil with his high pitched voice that it had never been requests but logic and common sense. The content manager hastily agreed and they kind of moved on.

He worked extra hard that day, didn't breath any word to either of the bosses. Tension had grown in the office since day one of Dongyoung's ministration. But on the bright side, productivity also had started to change, the SEO numbers were getting decent at least. So their boss must have been right from the start, they'd been doing nothing but lazing around all this time: incompetent, treacherous, worst kinds of human being, etc.

Taeil came by Taeyong's house later to make sure he was alright. Before that Taeyong had texted him it was nothing, and of course he was fine. But Taeil didn't listen and here they were, standing outside the door, holding beers and looking up to the night sky full of stars while the autumn fading away a little too quick, winter already looming over, waiting to reign.

"Life is still good then? Hyungnim?" Taeyong asked sarcastically, watching Taeil's face slowly turned into a bitter smile.

"Yeah, I guess. Just look at the sky, life can't be that bad." Taeyong were quite amused with the answer. He did what his friend suggested, looking up to the night sky of Scandinavia.

After a good minute of silence, Taeil suddenly asked. "Do you have any wise word about this whole... magnificence?"

"What magnificence?" Taeyong raised an eyebrow, eyes fixed upward.

"The sky, of course. What else do you think I'm talking about?"

Taeyong shrugged, tried to search through his now tipsy mind. "Oh yes, there is, Acatalepsy, meaning the impossibility of comprehending the universe, the belief that human knowledge can never have true certainty."

Taeil protested. "No, I don't like angst or agnosticism. Give me the sky." Taeyong laughed out loud. "Then sorry, my friend, I don't have one right now."

Taeil looked at Taeyong's face for moment and decided to speak out his thought. "You know... you rarely smile. Your smiles are beautiful, do it more often."

.

"Dear Taeyong,

I'm not well right now so to avoid idleness, I used all my strength left to force myself to write you one more letter. You must be very worried, or not, I don't dare to guess but I'll be fine soon.

I will tell you more specifically. I'm in Ladakh, I had a fever after two weeks out on the road but a kind mid-aged woman then accepted to let me stay until I get better. God bless her. I think her daughter likes me. She is quite pretty.

Ladkh is so special in many ways. From the incredible blue sky to the rocky grey mountains, the winding roads. From the word "juleh" coming from anywhere there are humans. My dear linguist, I have to be bold and proud this time and tell you the meanings of this magic word. It is all Hello, Thank you and Goodbye packed in one. What a miracle!

Most special are the road signs. They are so funny, I mean, even if there is mention of death, they are still interesting. But there is this road sign which is outstanding to me. It carries a message which is quite odd compared to others. It seems to talk about something else rather than being careful while driving. It seems sad.

The journey of life is long, the path unknown. How patronizing! How curtly! And how true. There are beauties in unknown paths, do you think?

I want to be bold one more time. I did read one or two books about language and I found a diamond. It's a word I thought of when admiring the night sky of Ladkh, bewildered by the countless stars, just as beautiful as your eyes but not as memorizing. I wrote it at the back of the photo I send together with this letter. I challenge you to find its meaning which is just too easy for you, isn't it?

Juleh! Taeyong.

J."

Around mid-night, after being woken by a weird dream, Taeyong found himself reading that letter over and over again. Now thanks to the small yellow desklight on the table, he could read the word written on the back of a clear picture of the majestic starry sky. It read "acatalepsy".

Lee Taeyong had that kind of dreams. In those dreams, he often found himself in middle of nowhere, running lost or standing in front of dark roads, always bare footed. Then he would jerk awake, unable to sleep again.

This morning Taeyong saw a new quotation, shared from his favorite philosophy twitter account. Then he stared at the old piece of paper stuck on the wall for a while. It was still his most favorite, though. It had been a long time since the last time he'd changed quote.

Taeyong put down the pen and pasted the new sticker on top of the old one.

"Life is always at some turning point." – Irwin Edman